I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
