i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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