Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
be right there i have to get my cape
And then my night got REAL pukey
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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