I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can't motorboat a personality
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
vagina is talking i cant
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
