Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
