I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
