Sponge bath it is.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
