He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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