well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
