I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
