my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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