You really coming over, don't trick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
