I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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