Don't you send me to vm
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
oh god the rape fog is back!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
