How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
