When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize