I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
