yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
