Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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