if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
