if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
