Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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