Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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