oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
