So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
