First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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