DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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