oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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