Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
