Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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