wat bout pragnant strippers??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
