i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
