I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The air was thick with penises
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
