I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
