i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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