I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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