batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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