I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
