I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
