i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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