I skipped work to stalk him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
