the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
