A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
zippers are such a cool invention
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
