There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
