have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
