Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
