Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
