I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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