He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
