his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
