HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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