So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
