The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize