so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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