i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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