you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
