a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
