I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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