I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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