I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
