kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
