My hair reeks of homosexuality.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
