I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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