what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
