sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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