omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
