i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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